Posts filed under ‘Ministry’

Why the world laughs at us… Part 1

I think this will be a reoccurring post as I find material. For a while, I’ve been saving all those stupid “Christian” pamphlets like “Only Read the KJV…” and I’ve decided to share some of the better ones with you guys.  I thought I’d get us started with some brilliantly obnoxious, theologically obscene, and just plain goofy church signs.  I had a few written down but I found most of them here at http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/ .  This guy not only posts pictures of the signs but he has great comments on all of them like

“You think it’s hot here….”
-submitted by Laua Enfinger, Arizona
This is the fourth sign I have received from Arizona comparing it to hell. I don’t think I plan on visiting there.

I spent 2 days just reading his stuff.

Well here are some of my favorites:

·         When Satan knocks at your door simply say Jesus would you get that for me?

·         Smoking or Non-Smoking?

·         Rollin’ back prices on salvation!

·         Worry is the darkroom where negatives develop

·         Satan can never knock you farther than your knees

·         Warning: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning

·         For all you do His blood’s for you

·         Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings!

·         Under the same management for 2000 years

·         We should be more concerned with the Rock of Ages than with the Age of Rocks

·         God has a big eraser.

·         What vitamins do Christians need? 2 B1 Daily.

·         Good – 0 = God

·         Can’t stand the heat? Reserve your place in heaven today!

·         Forecast for Heaven: Reign Forever!!

·         Salvation: apply within

·         Go to church or the devil will get you.

·         Road Rage: How would Jesus Drive?

·         The King’s alive and His name ain’t Elvis!

·         Loose tongues get in tight spaces.

·         3 Nails + 1 Savior = 4 giveness

·         Forbidden fruits make the worst jams

·         Abortion: Hitler would have loved it

·         Free trip to heaven: Inquire within

·         Cards over Yanks in 6!! Jesus over Death in 3!!

·         Get an afterlife

·         Try Jesus….If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back

·         Love is like bread; it should be made daily

·         Sign vandals are the scum of the earth.

·         Git-R-Dun Fer God

·         Stop, drop, and roll doesn’t work in hell

·         Jesus is coming back soon. Look busy!

·         Hungry? Try one of our Sundays!

·         Parking for church business only. Violators will be baptized.

·         Even Jesus was into body piercing!!

·         A free thinker is Satan’s slave

·         Need a new look? Get your faith lifted here!

·         As my apprentice, you’re never fired. – God

·         Jesus is a major part of Christmas.

·         When you run out of sick days and call in dead, who will answer?

·         Get right or get left.

·         Trespassers will be converted

·         A warm church, like warm butter, will spread.

·         Easter is a joke on the devil. Ha!

·         Without Christ life is all fun and games until you die and go to hell

·         Somebody call 911, because this church is on fire.

·         When your life needs rebooting, remember Jesus SAVES.

·         Be fishers of Men. You catch ‘em, He’ll clean ‘em

·         If you can read this sign you can still be forgiven by God

·         Heaven is sweet, hell is hot, you’re going to one, ready or not

·         I’m Jesus, and I approve this message.

·         Bring your sin to the alter And drop it like it’s hot. Drop it like it’s hot.

·         Good thing Mary didn’t have an abortion.

·         Too busy for life? We’re never to busy to attend our own funeral.

·         Be thankful for dirty dishes, because that means you have food to eat.

·         In your right hand, there are pleasures forever.

·         Come jam with the lamb.

·         God’s yard sale: rejects accepted.

·         The size of the tool doesn’t matter in the master’s hand

·         God grades on the cross not the curve

    

February 27, 2008 at 3:24 pm 2 comments

5th Annual Halloween Outreach

Five years ago our church encouraged all the community group leaders to host Halloween block parties in their front yard. The idea was to get the church involved where the people were and not go hiding in some parking lot for a “fall festival”. As our pastor Chuck put it, “we don’t value ghosts and goblins; we value people…and candy”. It has become a great neighborhood outreach for Monique and I and our community groups. Every year around the start of October our neighbors start asking if we are going to have our block party again. I really love the opportunity it gives us to get to know our neighbors a little better (and the candy isn’t a bad perk). This year we gave out 238 hotdogs with all the fixins, 321 cold drinks, at least 100 pounds of chocolate, and 82 cans of play-doh. When people ask why we get to tell them that this is just our way of showing God’s love for them in a practical way.

The Hotdog Shack

Hotdogs

Nothing like hotdogs, soda, candy, and….JUMPING!!!

Jumping

Yes the windmill turns…

putt-putt

November 4, 2007 at 2:27 am 3 comments


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