I think this will be a reoccurring post as I find material. For a while, I’ve been saving all those stupid “Christian” pamphlets like “Only Read the KJV…” and I’ve decided to share some of the better ones with you guys. I thought I’d get us started with some brilliantly obnoxious, theologically obscene, and just plain goofy church signs. I had a few written down but I found most of them here at http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/ . This guy not only posts pictures of the signs but he has great comments on all of them like
“You think it’s hot here….”
-submitted by Laua Enfinger, Arizona
This is the fourth sign I have received from Arizona comparing it to hell. I don’t think I plan on visiting there.
I spent 2 days just reading his stuff.
Well here are some of my favorites:
· When Satan knocks at your door simply say Jesus would you get that for me?
· Smoking or Non-Smoking?
· Rollin’ back prices on salvation!
· Worry is the darkroom where negatives develop
· Satan can never knock you farther than your knees
· Warning: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning
· For all you do His blood’s for you
· Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings!
· Under the same management for 2000 years
· We should be more concerned with the Rock of Ages than with the Age of Rocks
· God has a big eraser.
· What vitamins do Christians need? 2 B1 Daily.
· Good – 0 = God
· Can’t stand the heat? Reserve your place in heaven today!
· Forecast for Heaven: Reign Forever!!
· Salvation: apply within
· Go to church or the devil will get you.
· Road Rage: How would Jesus Drive?
· The King’s alive and His name ain’t Elvis!
· Loose tongues get in tight spaces.
· 3 Nails + 1 Savior = 4 giveness
· Forbidden fruits make the worst jams
· Abortion: Hitler would have loved it
· Free trip to heaven: Inquire within
· Cards over Yanks in 6!! Jesus over Death in 3!!
· Get an afterlife
· Try Jesus….If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back
· Love is like bread; it should be made daily
· Sign vandals are the scum of the earth.
· Git-R-Dun Fer God
· Stop, drop, and roll doesn’t work in hell
· Jesus is coming back soon. Look busy!
· Hungry? Try one of our Sundays!
· Parking for church business only. Violators will be baptized.
· Even Jesus was into body piercing!!
· A free thinker is Satan’s slave
· Need a new look? Get your faith lifted here!
· As my apprentice, you’re never fired. – God
· Jesus is a major part of Christmas.
· When you run out of sick days and call in dead, who will answer?
· Get right or get left.
· Trespassers will be converted
· A warm church, like warm butter, will spread.
· Easter is a joke on the devil. Ha!
· Without Christ life is all fun and games until you die and go to hell
· Somebody call 911, because this church is on fire.
· When your life needs rebooting, remember Jesus SAVES.
· Be fishers of Men. You catch ‘em, He’ll clean ‘em
· If you can read this sign you can still be forgiven by God
· Heaven is sweet, hell is hot, you’re going to one, ready or not
· I’m Jesus, and I approve this message.
· Bring your sin to the alter And drop it like it’s hot. Drop it like it’s hot.
· Good thing Mary didn’t have an abortion.
· Too busy for life? We’re never to busy to attend our own funeral.
· Be thankful for dirty dishes, because that means you have food to eat.
· In your right hand, there are pleasures forever.
· Come jam with the lamb.
· God’s yard sale: rejects accepted.
· The size of the tool doesn’t matter in the master’s hand
· God grades on the cross not the curve